HUMAN HAPPINESS - ITS NATURE & ITS ATTAINMENT
VOLUME II: THE ATTAINMENT OF HAPPINESS
CHAPTER 11

 

GET PRESENT-ORIENTED
THE EIGHTH FUNDAMENTAL

 

The eighth  Fundamental is "Get Present Oriented," or, as I simplify it for my students, "Get P.O."

"Get Present Oriented" is another of the Fundamentals which deals with mental attitude. Again, as we have seen with the last three Fundamentals, how you focus your mind has as much to do with your happiness as what actually occurs to you in the outside world.

But what is "present orientation?"

"Present orientation" is a technical term in clinical psychology, a term which describes one of the most basic traits of healthy personality. Though hardly familiar to most non-professionals, "present orientation" refers to an individual's mental focus or preoccupation. More simply put, it refers to what one is usually thinking about...

It seems that the more healthy and well-functioning a person is, the more they tend to be mentally occupied with the present -- the more unhealthy a person is, the more they tend to drift to mental preoccupation with the past or future. Hence the term "present-orientation."

In the clinical literature, emotional disorders have always been strongly associated with a lack of present-orientation. Psychiatric patients appear to have little contact with their immediate reality and are continually drifting to fantasy or distorted memory. Their mental lives seem a convoluted, yet vivid, reliving of past trauma and exaggerated future glories. So marked was the clinical patient's lack of present focusing, it has become universally recognized as one of the most basic criteria for severe emotional disorder.

Another, closely related concept in clinical circles is that of "reality contact."

One of the most widely acknowledged distinctions between normal and abnormal personality, according to clinical psychology, is how keenly and objectively an individual perceives reality. Here again, psychiatric observations have long shown that disordered patients have little or no contact with the reality around them. Disorientation, confusion, mental drifting, the inability to perform simple tasks, and the apparent inability to relate to their environment all indicate a mind that is anywhere but focused on immediate reality.

Historically then, it has long been established that mental-drifting, a lack of contact with reality, and an inability to focus on the immediate present are primary signs of mental or emotional dysfunction. Likewise it was accepted that a reasonable focus on the present and good contact with one's immediate reality was symptomatic of good mental health.

But it was only in more recent decades, when health psychologists began to study more normal, non-psychiatric, populations, that we psychologists began to see how important this idea of "present-orientation" was to happiness.

What we have found is that even among most "normal" people there is a great range in how "present-oriented" they tend to be. And in the happiness research field we have seen something perhaps more significant: how "present-oriented" you are has a lot to do with how happy you are...

A vast history of psychometric studies have shown that happy people are remarkably "present-oriented." In fact, "present-orientation" appears to be one of the most reliably strong traits of happier individuals the research has found. Thus Fundamental Ten suggests that you could be happier, as well, if you could "Get P.O.".

(place citings here)

WHERE YOU SPEND YOUR MENTAL TIME

Here with Fundamental Eight, we again require you to examine your mental life as we have in the last few chapters. Yet here the focus switches a bit...

In the immediately preceding Chapters we asked you to examine your typical thoughts in terms of how often you worried, or in terms of positive to negative thoughts. We asked you to evaluate your thinking in terms of its optimistic or pessimistic content, and to examine how unrealistic your expectations were.

Now, we ask you to analyze your more preponderant thoughts in terms of time. To be specific, are you often thinking about the past? Or, are you usually thinking about the present? Or, are you, more typically, thinking about the future?

Generally, people's thoughts can be naturally categorized as falling into five basic locations, depending on the time and emotional content of the thought in mind:

1. the past-negative

2. the past-positive

3. the future-negative

4. the future-positive

5. the present

Past-negative thoughts are essentially memories that are unhappy. They can include thoughts of loss, guilt, past defeats, resentments, bitter feelings, and the like.

Past-positive thoughts are happy memories from the past; thoughts of past successes, accomplishments, or happy times.

Future-negative thoughts include forbidding, apprehension, concern, and pessimistic predictions; the negative kinds of thoughts we have about the future.

Future-positive thoughts are our more pleasant future idealizations -- our dreams, our ambitions, our hopes, our fantasies for a better tomorrow.

The present, of course, is the here and now. Present thoughts are concentrated on the immediate world around us. Our mind is focused on the conversation, the activity, or the occurrences going on at the moment. In the present, our attention is on the immediate situation or is working within a present time-frame (either planning upcoming schedules or mentally-debriefing the past few days experience).

The borderlines between the past, present, and future are somewhat fuzzy because, mentally, most of us jump from one thought to another a thousand times a day; and those thoughts blend from positive to negative, and from past to present to future, continuously. Moreover, it is quite normal for one's mind to conjure a thought or two in each of these categories during an average day. What counts, is how much time you spend in any of these categories!

Normally, our thoughts are a mixture of each of these five "time-zones." For most of us, we sometimes reminisce about the past and we sometimes are preoccupied with the upcoming future, but most of the time we're concentrating on the events at hand. Yet there are many individuals who focus little on the present. More than the average, their minds tend to continually drift away from the present -- their preoccupation, largely in the past or in the future.

Based on the five categories above, I have found certain individuals who live, almost exclusively, in just one of these mental "time-zones." Indeed, although not especially labeled as such by most clinicians, I like to think of such individuals as falling into five personality types -- one for each of the time-zone categories.

THE PAST-NEGATIVE PERSONALITY

The first of the five personality types is the past- negative personality. Here is the person whose mind continues to dwell on an unhappy past, and it, indeed, is the saddest of the personality types we'll examine.

Certainly life is full of tragedy and regret, and, even more certainly, some individuals experience more unhappiness in their lives than do others. There is nothing really fair about it. Nor is there a great deal of consolation for the hurts life throws our way. Yet some of us manage to put these hurts behind us, while others never seem able to let go of them.

For the past-negative personality, the hurts are always with them. Often they find their mind drifting to regrets, blaming, remorse, guilt, rejections, losses, abuses, and/or bitterness from the past.

Past-negative personalities take many forms. Some may be dwelling on a more recent tragedy (like a painful divorce or financial setback) while others may be unable to shake the memories associated with hurts in the far distant past (such as childhood rejection or abuse). For some, the past- negative preoccupation may be focused on one, single traumatic event (as is typical, in the extreme, of phobic disorders) or a traumatic period in their lives (as in post- traumatic stress syndromes). For others, however, it is based on a life-long series of minor hurts which build over the years.

In any event, the result is the same. Everyday reminders and unresolved mental conflicts continue to bring the unhappy past to mind. An undue amount of time is spent reliving, rethinking, and reanalyzing such unpleasant events with little resolution or alleviation to show for it. In essence, the past-negative personality continues to taint the present, day-in and day-out, with negative feelings long since past.

Such past-negative thinking is not always conscious. For many past-negative personalities, this unhappy preoccupation lies beneath the surface. Although most "past-negatives" consciously mull on their past, many others are affected on a subconscious level. Though their immediate attention may be focused on their day to day concerns, below the surface their mind is preoccupied with a host of negative events from the past. From time to time such thoughts may intrude their conscious thoughts, but for the most part they remain subliminal -- serving only to color the present with subtle feelings of anxiety or gloom that appear to be unexplainable.

Clinically speaking, the past-negative personality is the most disturbing of the five types we're discussing. Although such a personality type is not specifically recognized by psychologists as an emotional disorder in and of itself, there is little doubt that such past-negative thinking -- in the extreme -- is a major part of all the most common mental disorders. Most experts agree that the bulk of emotional problems seen in everyday practice fall on those whose past is laden with negative childhood, adolescent, or adult experiences. Even those who lean to a biochemical causation of emotional disorder present few examples or people with a loving, positive life-history to support their case.

Negative experiences effect us all; and to some extent, such experiences will, even for the most healthy among us, come to mind on occasion. But for the past-negative personality, the bitter past is always close to mind. In some cases, it can lead to emotional disorder. But in most cases, it simply robs us of the ability to lead a happy life.

Most "past-negatives" are true victims of life. Many are the elderly -- abandon from their jobs and family. Some are among the homeless and society's failures. Others have experienced a disproportionate share of burden and tragedy in their lives. Some are the victims of crime, or abuse, or natural calamity. For these, it is not hard to understand why the negative past remains so vivid in their minds.

Yet for many "past negatives," even minor hurts can become major mental issues. An award that wasn't won, a goal which wasn't reached, a spiteful comment from an in-law, a let-down of personal morals -- these can often become the stuff of intense regret or bitterness. Most of us might consider such setbacks as petty, but for some, even the most insignificant of life's rebuffs can be devastating.

Whatever the case, the prognosis for the "past negative" is poor. The past-negative personality is trapped in a revolving door: unhappy feelings from the past infect the present, making the present day unhappy; the next day is similarly infected -- and so it goes. Each day's happiness is diminished by the "heavy hand of the past." The actual joys and happy events of the present continue to happen, but none can be fully enjoyed because the niggling feelings from the past tend to discolor them.

The solution for the "past-negative's" dilemma may often require counseling or therapy to help dis-lodge and emotionally resolve the negative bottlenecks from the past. Somehow, the pains from the past need release. Only through true healing can present joys and pleasures be completely enjoyed without the constant tainting of unhappy memory.

THE PAST-POSITIVE PERSONALITY

The "past-positive personality" also lives a large proportion of the time in the past -- but in this case it is a past of happier memories.

For a past-positive, "those were the good old days." The past-positive lives in a world long since gone, but still held dear. The scenarios are endless...

"When I was young, things were great!"

"Things have never been the same since I lost my business."

"Man, you should have been there in college!"

"I still miss the good times and close friends back home in Ohio."

"Often I think about how happy Bill and I were when the children were young..."

"I guess I was never as happy as I was in childhood. I just can't stop thinking about those happy, carefree days."

Past-positive personalities constantly yearn for the "good old days;" turning backwards mentally to times that were better, more successful, or happier. Of course it is natural for all of us to think about our happier memories from time to time. Certainly, happy memories from the past enrich our life. They give it a sense of positive continuity -- a sense of what we are at our best. The joys of life should never be forgotten; but the difference between the more normal remembrance of good times gone by and the more continual reminiscing of past positive personalities is quite different.

In normal remembrance, past-positive thoughts evoke mostly happy feelings, but for the past-positive personality, as pleasant as the recollections are, the mood that surrounds them is more regretful and sad. It might seem paradoxical that pleasant memories could create a blue mood, but for the past-positive personality, thoughts of a happier past can do just that. The reason? Excessive drifting to happy times in the past is usually an indication that the present is not going all that well. Almost by definition, happy memories tend to fill our mind when present times are unfulfilling, uneventful, or unhappy. Thus the picture of the past-positive personality is usually a sad one. It is, more often than not, one of the most basic signs of a present life that is empty and unrewarding.

As much as we might wish, life is not always a straight, upward progression of continued success and achievement. For many, life peaks at a certain point and then turns downward. It can go up again -- and for some it will. But for others life never regains its former glory, and for many of these, past-positive thoughts take an irresistible hold...

The elderly, naturally enough, are quite susceptible to the grip of this past-positive syndrome. Certainly thoughts of a healthier, youthful, and more active life take precedence over their current life-situation. Yet in my clinical experience, I find many young and middle-aged clients falling into the same frame of mind. Males who have devoted themselves to sports careers are one pronounced example. Here I've counseled relatively young men who already feel like "has beens" -- their mental life fixed on a fading past of athletic successes. Women too, especially those whose entire self-image had been based on their glamour and beauty, tend to have such difficulties as their youthfulness fades.

These are not the only ones. Some never forget a special love in the past. Some never recover from a financial reversal or a major accident. Some can never let go of lost social status or occupational prestige. And for some it can simply be one dramatic life-event: "the time they scored the winning run;" "the day they got the major award;" "the night they hit the jackpot in Vegas;" etc..

The highs of life are treasures -- something we all should visit and relish now and then. But continually living among such memories should be seen as something sad. Mostly, because of what they say about the present...

THE FUTURE-NEGATIVE PERSONALITY

The "future-negative personality" should be an old friend by now, since we've examined such thought-patterns in previous Chapters. Yet here this nemesis rears its ugly head again.

Perhaps the most typical of the non-present personality types is the "future negative." As the name indicates, here is the person who is largely preoccupied with negative thoughts about the future. It's a miserable world of worries, apprehension, pessimism, dread, and negative prediction. It's a life way ahead of itself -- a mental world of doom and gloom which is often rehearsed, in anguish, weeks, months, or years beforehand.

We've already discussed how fruitless such thinking is (e.g., "90% of your worries don't come true;" "most of your fears are beyond your control;" "pessimistic thinking only serves to make you unhappy;" etc.), so there is no need to go much further here. Still, since "past negative" thinking is so common to human nature, we need to list it again because of all the "time zones," the "future-negative" is the most seductive of them all. And for the chronic "future negative," the constant fear of a negative future robs any of the realized joys of the present.

THE FUTURE-POSITIVE PERSONALITY

There's an old American "country song" with the refrain "Don't fall in love with a dreamer..."

"Future positives" are precisely that: dreamers. Here is the syndrome of the person who continuously daydreams of a grandiose future of glory and success.

We all have our dreams for the future -- we all have our goals and ambitions. And to the degree they are modest and realistic (as we discussed in an earlier Chapter), the serve to structure our efforts and guide us to a better life. But sometimes the dreams take hold so hard we begin to live in the fantasy. That's what happens to the "future positive personality"...

"Wait till my ship comes in" -- that is the motto of the "future positive" person. This is the person who's living in a fantasy world of future glories and successes.

"One day, I'll be a millionaire."

"Soon, I'm going to get that "big break"."

"I know I'm going to hit the lotto."

"This year, I'm going to break all company sales records..."

Not that such dreams are impossible, but for the dreamer they are especially unlikely. "Future positives" tend to be dreamers only, not visionaries. Typically, they dream their time away -- rarely putting any effort into the actual work which might make their dreams come true. Indeed, the old saying has wisdom: "future positives" simply sit and wait for their "ship to come in;" they do little, in the present, to help eventuate it. And, in the meantime, they fritter the present away...

THE PRESENT-ORIENTED PERSONALITY

The final pattern is the healthy, happy pattern: "present-oriented."

The present oriented personality is focused primarily on the here and now. Most of what occupies their attention and thought is what is going on around them at the moment. They tend to be absorbed in the tasks at hand, and their interest is geared to the world around them.

Today's concerns and activities appear to be paramount in the present-oriented personality's mind. Or, if not today, their focus seems limited to a relatively present time-frame (the immediate few days or weeks). Surely, they take time to plan for the long-term future or occasionally reminisce about the past. But such thoughts, generally, take little of their day.

The reason present-oriented personalities are so focused on the present doesn't take much guessing. They are busy, active people! They are involved with the immediate tasks of living a full life. Obviously, their attention is geared to the moment -- they're immersed in their work; they're dealing with others; they're doing their projects -- indeed, they're simply living and doing.

If this rings some bells, it should. Present-oriented people display many of the Fourteen Fundamental characteristics we've studied before. They're being active and they keep busy. They tend to be involved in exciting and enjoyable activities. They're being productive at meaningful work. And they are often engaged in social interaction. All these things require a focus on the moment -- and all tend to contribute to personal happiness.

Present-oriented personalities also appear to have strong "reality contact." They tend to be excellent observers, keen listeners, good conversationalists, and, in general, tend to have a sharp focus on the immediate situation. This is, in part, because the locus of their mental attention is much more outward, toward the world of people and activity, than inward, toward a world of fantasy and thought. The present-oriented mind is a mind that is seeking and exploring, not retreating and escaping.

At the pinnacle, the present-oriented person is not merely attuned to moment, but actually has that child-like capacity to relish in it. For them, many moments of the day are not just to attend to, but to appreciate and savor -- moments to experience with deep enjoyment.

Abraham Maslow, in his famous investigations of the most healthy, self-actualized individuals he studied, found that a common thread among them was their ability to fresh appreciation of the most ordinary things in life. A flower, pleasant weather, children at play -- the simple pleasures of life -- could grab interest and evoke profound feelings ( ). I too, in my earliest studies, found that great happiness is often triggered by the most commonplace of situations (200). Such momentary joys appear to be the treasure of those whose attention is more keenly attuned to the world around them. They are usually lost to the person whose mind is preoccupied somewhere else.

WHY NOT DRIFT?

What's so bad about thinking more about the past or future compared to the present? Why is present-orientation the happy choice?

Let us count the ways...

First, spending a lot of mental-time in the past or future is symptomatic that one is unhappy in the present.

One of the most obvious "messages" from a mind preoccupied and drifting to the past or future is a message of escape. The sad aspect of most mental drifting is simple: the present is fairly disappointing. This is particularly true of the past-positive and future-positive personalities. If "today" was as fulfilling as it could be, the mental need for happy memories or grand futures would hardly take hold of the imagination.

It is natural when life is going poorly for the mind to escape to other times and places. For the lucky the fantasies and recollections are positive. For the less lucky the mind drifts to the negative events in the past that precipitated their present unhappiness, or to excessive worry about an even worse future.

Second, if the present is not the predominate preoccupation, then one has too much idle time on one's hand.

Those who get caught mentally drifting, apparently, have lots of time on their hands. It goes without saying, that anyone living an active life, filled with enjoyable pursuits, has little time to drift. A busy life preoccupies one's mind. An empty life sets one's mind adrift.

Usually, there are unfortunate circumstances to blame. Often, it is the sick, the hospitalized, the unemployed, the elderly, the disabled, and the lonely that find their days empty. In other cases, it may simply be the more common situation of an unfulfilling marriage, a boring job, or a lack of social contact.

Whatever the circumstance, people who spend a lot of time mentally drifting have time on their hands and a strong need to escape the drab circumstances of their present existence. Sadly enough, for those with a lot of time on their hands, the past or the future seems the only way to occupy their minds.

Again, we get a strong message about how necessary an active, involved life-style is to happiness. Early on, we said that "an idle life is depressions workshop," and here we see part of the reason why. With empty, unoccupied time the mind wonders, either to reliving past hurts and failures, or to excessive worry about the future. What's worse, given a lot of solitary time with nothing to do, such negative thoughts and fears tend to become exaggerated far beyond normal proportion.

In all fairness, not all mental drifting is negative (as we detailed above). Some past memories or future fantasies can be quite positive indeed. Still, even positive drifting is basically escapist in nature -- the symptom of a person with too much idle time on their hands. It is a symptom of an inactive or unfulfilling life...

Third, as we mentioned above, most mental drifting is associated with a host of unhealthy symptomology.

Although some mental drifting is of a pleasant nature, the more typical form is negative, and is based on a variety of unresolved fears, anxieties, past traumas, and psychological conflicts which have a tendency to distract one's attention away from the present.

In this sense, mental drifting goes beyond a condemnation of a lackluster present -- it can sometimes be an indication of other emotional difficulties in need of attention.

Fourth, mental drifting gets in the way of effective living.

As we have seen in previous Fundamentals, the formula for personal happiness involves an active life-style based in the present. It requires keen attention to daily scheduling, present decisions, and immediate opportunities. If one's mind is confounded with excessive thoughts from "time-zones" other than the present, one's concentration on today's concerns and challenges is clearly diminished. Indeed, the potential for enjoying immediate happiness may be entirely ignored when one's mind is preoccupied...

Happiness, as we have defined it, is an overall emotional sense of well-being -- but, as we have also seen, it is comprised of a continual collection of very specific happy moods and experiences. Such, presently-experienced, moods and experiences are the basic building blocks of happiness -- and, furthermore, they are only experiences which can only occur in the present.

GET PRESENT ORIENTED

How do you get "present oriented?"

In essence, the basic strategy requires a dedication on your part to the present. A commitment, or recommitment, as it were, to "the here-and-now." It is a commitment that comes when you realize the importance of the present-orientation and why, as we've described, it is so symptomatic of healthy personality. Simply realizing, therefore, that a focus on the present time-frame is good (and that excessive time spent preoccupied with past or future is bad), is the basic start of a lasting change.

What you really face is the challenge of making today's life so good that any past sadness and glory or future fears and dreams won't be able to compete for your immediate attention!

How can you do it? Well, first of all, other Fundamentals can help...

As I have said throughout this book, "practicing one Fundamental helps to fulfill another." As we've progressed with your work with the Fundamentals, it's clear how much they tend to overlap on one another. One Fundamental mastered helps out the mastery of another. Working on one Fundamental has a carry-over effect on another one. And so it goes!

Fundamental Eight is like this: to "Get Present-Oriented," one can rely heavily on a number of the Fundamentals we've already covered. "Be More Active" (Fundamental One) will probably be your best bet. Becoming more active -- living a busy, full life of enjoyable activity -- can't help but automatically focus your attention more on the present. Likewise, Fundamentals Two and Three ("Spend More Time Socializing" and "Be Productive At Meaningful Work") can be an aid as well. There is nothing in the way of "present- oriented" activity that exceeds the immediate engrossment provided by social interaction or the occupation with a meaningful task. The advice we gave to "Stop Worrying," "Lower Your Expectations," and "Develop Positive, Optimistic Thinking" (Fundamentals Five, Six, and Seven) clearly apply here too.

Based on these previous Fundamentals, a clear set of recommendations becomes clear...

Become more active. Do more "fun" things which occupy totally occupy your mental time.

Develop a hobby or a social activity which consumes more of your idle time.

Spend more time in enjoyable social interaction. There is nothing like time spent in conversation to focus one's time on the present.

Stop worrying and, thereby. eliminate on of the major negative mental tendencies you have. and "positive,

Work on your optimistic thinking to begin to cancel negative mental-wonderings.

"Thought switch" to train yourself to focus more attention on today.

Focus more on the enjoyment of an immediate task rather than its eventual goal.

Try the more ancient forms of "present-oriented" activity like meditation and exercise to help focus your attention on your immediate surrounds.

Get away from your regular situation with vacations or even short-day trips. There is nothing like novelty to absorb one's attention to the present.

A RETURN TO INFANCY

In it's ultimate form, being "present-oriented" is experiencing the world much as an infant does.

Infants are invariably trapped in a "present-oriented" state. Memory, as we adults know it, has yet to develop, and the ability to project into the future beyond a few days is generally lacking. Infants, therefore, appear to be perfect examples of the ideal "present-oriented" state.

For infants the world exists only in the "here-and-now." Pleasures are immediate, pains quickly pass, worries are nonexistent, past hurts have yet to be written on memory's slate, and the present world is filled with the wonder of immediate occurrence. Every object is new. Nothing is taken for granted. Everything in the child's environment begs for exploration. Even the most common of household items merit intense examination. Beauty and fascination is everywhere!

Sadly, as we grow and mature, most of us lose that marvelous ability to see the world with the fresh appreciation infants do. We take so much ordinary beauty for granted, and yet it surrounds us everywhere. But some people, like the group of "self-actualized" people Abraham Maslow made famous in his psychological studies, never completely lose this quality. They retain the capacity to enjoy anew the most commonplace of everyday occurrences with the interest and awe of childhood.

In essence, it is an aesthetic appreciation of the world. It is the idea that each of us are actually living in an Art Museum, if only we could really learn to look around us. And further, if each of us could become more childlike in our sensing of the world, how much more we could relish each, present moment of our life.

Take just any object around you now. A chair in the room, for example. Look at it closely...

Can you see its beauty? At first glance, probably not. It's too familiar. You've seen a thousand chairs before. You know what it is -- you learned its name many, many years ago. You know what it can do, you know what its use is, and, in essence, you've learned you can pay little attention to it. Sure it's nice to sit on occasionally, but otherwise you tend to ignore it.

But how would an infant look at this very same chair? Well, first of all, the infant has an advantage over us, because he or she doesn't know what this object is. It's not just "another chair," it's an object of fascination. An infant might examine the same chair intensely -- exploring it from every possible angle -- and thoroughly enjoy the entire experience!

As adults, however, there's no fascination at all. Though our eyes may pass over it a thousand times a month as it sits patiently in the corner of our room, we never really look at it.

But what if we had been invited to a special gallery showing, and that very same chair was on display -- spotlighted on a pedestal in the center or a large, marble-walled room? Mightn't we be burst into acclaim regarding it's unique shape and design. Couldn't the textures, the curves, the intricate details, and the overall effect of the piece give rise to awe? And, if somehow we had been convinced that this ordinary chair was the work of a world-recognized artist, wouldn't we leave raving about it?

Although the more jaded of art critics might not agree, that ordinary chair in the corner of your room is beautiful. Indeed, every object you encounter has beauty -- if you study it closely. There are joys and pleasures around you every single moment of every single day, if you could only the world as a child.

Becoming more present-oriented involves more experiencing than analyzing. Savor the moment as often as you can. Tune into your senses and the wondrous sensations of sight, touch, sound, and fragrance they bring from the immediate world.

Why drift in a mental world of past or future thoughts when the present is so alive with vibrant, everyday marvels to experience and make for happy moments?

 

THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE NOW!

When you think about it, what's so bad about right now?

At this very moment (as you drop your eyes from this book and you survey the immediate situation), there is probably nothing inordinately bad about this particular moment. Indeed, in all likelihood, it is probably a rather pleasant moment...

You're probably in a rather comfortable and secure environment. You've obviously found the time to indulge yourself in a good book. You've just been considering ideas which have given you new insight into the happiness you've been deriving from life.

But more than this, consider what HASN'T been happening! As you've been reading this Chapter, has anything horribly bad actually happened to you? Did lightning strike your place? Did the police just arrive to arrest you? Did the boss just call to tell you that you've been fired? Did a government agent just visit to inform you that you owe back taxes? Probably not...

In fact, even if all these horrible things happened to you last week, are they actually occurring now? The answer, of course, is "no."

An average human lifetime consists of many millions of moments, many hundreds of thousands of hours, and many, many thousands of days. If memory serves correctly, on the other hand, the unhappy events of most lives probably only take up a small proportion of these moments, hours, or days -- and the more severe human traumas of life, if they occur at all, account for even less time.

This is not to discount the way sad events can "stick in our mind" long after their occurrence, but it is, rather, to suggest that the actual "real-time" most of us really spend in traumatic events is but an infinitesimal fraction of the "real-time" we actually live.

As a practicing therapist, I am quite familiar with the ways a momentary, traumatic event can forever alter an individual's happiness. Yet, on a more philosophical level, even in the worst cases, it would appear that in a moment-by-moment "real-time" analysis reveals that negative occurrences still amount to a very small fraction of the moments one actually lives.

If we had no memories, the vast majority of our moments would probably be viewed as enormously pleasant ones! Every second would be filled with wonderment and awe. Even if we had been run-over by a railroad train the day before, today would appear completely fresh and new.

Infants are like this (mainly because their memory-functions in the brain have yet to develop to any great extent). Perhaps they have something to teach us about truly enjoying the millions of moments which comprise our lives.

Bad things will certainly occur for all of us. And, for some, horrors will occur. But given the millions of moments a lifetime provides, wouldn't it be better to savor the vast majority of those moments as a young child does?

The "lows" in a lifetime are but fleeting moments. The "highs" in life are equally rare. The rest of life is filled with millions of relatively uneventful moments.

One can, as unhappier people do, fill such moments with a flood of negative thoughts and memories to wile-away such time -- or one can, as infants and happier people do, attempt to savor each moment in life as a respite of grace.

"There's no place like now!" It may not be the best moment you've ever experienced -- but it certainly isn't the worst...

Given one's life in it's entirety, isn't it a shame that we loose that infantile capacity to enjoy the millions of moments life affords?

LIVE EACH DAY AS IF IT WERE YOUR SECOND TO LAST

The old homily, "live each day as if it were your last" is at the crux of Fundamental Eight. Yet, as I have sometimes kidded with my students, it might be better to rephrase that old saying to read "live each day as if it were your SECOND to last" (assuming one would be too depressed on the "last day" to enjoy themselves).

Whichever, the research on happy people is clear on this point; they live more fully in the present!

Perhaps it is because they are so social and active. Perhaps it is because they worry so little. Perhaps it is because they are more involved in their outside life than their inside world. Perhaps it is because they have such an optimistic view of events which happen. Whatever, one of the secrets to happiness appears to be "present-orientation."

Being "present-oriented" is simple in practice. It is not so much "living each day as if it were your SECOND to last," rather it involves living every moment with the fresh and awe-inspired view of an infant.

Becoming "present-oriented" is an appreciation of the fact that a human lifetime affords millions of independent moments -- and that almost every one of them contains the potential for enjoyment.

Becoming "present-oriented" is based on the fact that happiness can be developed a moment at a time...

Any one moment you can change from an unpleasant to a pleasant one, is one moment more that can change your happiness. And most of the time, every moment in the present is rather wonderful -- if you can appreciate it just as it is.

 

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