HUMAN HAPPINESS - ITS NATURE & ITS ATTAINMENT
VOLUME II: THE ATTAINMENT OF HAPPINESS
CHAPTER 8
STOP WORRYING
THE FIFTH FUNDAMENTAL
Worry, worry, worry! It's a way of life for most of us these days...
Everybody worries to some extent, yet very few of us are aware of how much we worry, or, even worse, how much our worry effects our happiness. Yet the effect can be devastating. Worry can sap personal happiness greatly, indeed, it may be the single, most common happiness-robber there is. That is why I have always referred to worry as "the Arch-Enemy of Happiness" (228, 229, 289).
Worry is probably the single most dysfunctional thing that average person does to ruin their potential happiness. Its effect is insidious, pervasive, and, sadly, generally goes unnoticed by the worrier as it does its dirty work -- to erode their daily mood...
Excessive worry patterns are so wide-spread in society, it should be considered a national mental health problem. It certainly represents the most unhealthy, neurotic trait the average person displays, and, in its most extreme forms is the underlying basis for many of the obsessive ideas, compulsions, and phobic reactions so typical of many of the currently recognized mental disorders -- particularly the Anxiety Disorders (DSM). Indeed the only major clinical feature of one of the more widely diagnosed disturbances, "generalized anxiety disorder," is excessive worry itself. It has been estimated that close to 20% of Americans have suffered, at some time in their lives, from some form of Anxiety Disorder. Of course this does not mean that everyday worry necessarily leads to any of these debilitating disorders, but there is no doubt in the research that it certainly leads to a depletion of potential happiness.
What is worry? Generally, we consider worry to be a negative prediction about future events. Worry usually involves a specific thought or idea about unpleasant outcomes that is coupled with subtle feelings of fear, dread, apprehension, and anxiety. Worry is hardly a pleasant experience. If we think about it, we would certainly have to admit that the time we spend in such worried, negative thoughts is far from enjoyable. Yet, fret and worry we do -- spending large portions of our day dwelling on our many fearful predictions about how badly things may go for us.
And what do we worry about? Practically everything! We worry about the little things ("I'm worried the lawn will have cinch-bugs again this summer") and we worry about the big things ("I'm afraid I won't be able to make this months mortgage payment"). We worry about practical things ("I wonder if the boss will like my presentation?") and we worry about impractical things ("I wonder if global warming will effect property values?"). We worry about the ordinary ("I bet the car won't start") and we worry about the fantastic ("A giant comet could hit the earth and destroy life as we know it"). We worry about the immediate ("Did I leave the stove on?"); we worry about the near future ("I know I'm going to flunk that psychology test next week"); and we worry about the distant future ("I'm worried about being sick when I'm 60, just like Dad was").
It's not so much that "whatever can go wrong, will go wrong" (as Murphy's Law states), it's more like "whatever can go wrong, we'll worry about." If anything that could, even remotely, go wrong in our lives, most of us will give in to worrying about it. Indeed, perhaps the only thing that saves us from complete "worry overload" is the fact that some of the dastardly things which might happen to us, never come to mind in the first place.
Certainly there's plenty to worry about. Everyday is fraught with potential doom and demise. Every week contains a thousand possible scenarios of personal failure and catastrophe. To the dedicated worrier, it must seem most amazing to make it though an average month unscathed by calamity! Yes, the immediate future contains enough worries to keep us constantly preoccupied -- but why stop there? There's a whole lifetime of worries ahead of us...
Will we get into a college? Will we graduate from college? Will we get a good job? Will we be be able to hold on to it, once we get it? Will we be successful? Will we find love in our life? Will we ever get married? Will we remain married? Will we have children? Will our children grow up o.k.? Will they do well in school? Will they ever get married and live happily? Will we be o.k. financially? Will we be able to retire comfortably? Will our health hold up? Will we live to see a ripe old age? Will we die comfortably? Will we find everlasting peace after we die?
Yes, most of us have a whole lifetime of worries already mapped-out for us. But not the happiest people! Happy people, according to the research, worry far less than most of us do.
HAPPY PEOPLE WORRY LESS
One of the major findings regarding happy individuals is that they worry a lot less than most others do (18, 21, 27, 55, 112, 125, 130, 147, 202, 230, 235, 396, 397, 398, 399). The findings show that happy people spend much less time in a worried state of mind than do average people, and especially than do unhappy people. Unhappy people, on the other hand, are plagued with worry: the majority of their mental time is spent in fretful, apprehensive thoughts. That is why the fifth Fundamental came into being. It became quite clear to me and my fellow researchers, that one of the most direct ways for average persons to increase their happiness would be for them to "Stop Worrying!"
HOW WORRY ROBS OUR HAPPINESS
To understand how worry saps our full potential for happiness, we need to introduce a bit of psychological theory regarding the relationship between thought and emotion.
To begin with, psychology recognizes that thoughts and emotions are inextricably tied together. Every thought we think, every idea we ponder, every concept we consider -- all have an emotional component tied to them. Indeed, most every word we use creates an emotional response in us. Though the response varies slightly from individual to individual, emotional reactions to many words and ideas are universally similar.
The thought of "death" evokes fear and sadness. A "baby" generates feelings of affection and warmth. The word "success" elicits pride and satisfaction. "Vacation" should produce emotions of pleasure and anticipation. "Bills," on the other hand, will probably create feelings of annoyance or dread. "Cockroach" might conjure revulsion or even panic, while "couch" would trigger a subtle sense of comfort.
Though some thoughts seem to have universal reactions, others vary greatly. One person's reaction to "work" might evoke boredom, while another might react to it with excitement. Thoughts of one's parents can range from love to hate, while memories of childhood can vary from happy to sad.
The point is a relatively simple one. Since all thoughts contain emotional associations, one's mood is largely determined by what one tends to think about.
If one dwells on negative thoughts or images, the negative emotions associated with them will dampen one's mood. If one ponders more pleasant ideas, one's mood can be elevated.
It is this basic idea that goes to the heart of our understanding of human happiness. Of course, in this book we have defined happiness as nothing more or less than an emotion. But now that we have come to see how closely emotion and thought are related, it's easy to see how happiness can be contingent on thought patterns. In fact, this is how some researchers see happiness. Though it is not the majority view, there are psychologists that define happiness more in terms of thought-patterns than in terms of emotion.
For example, Maxwell Maltz defines happiness "as a state of mind where one's thinking is pleasant most of the time" (xxx). This definition has some merit. Since pleasant thoughts produce happy emotions, and negative thoughts produce unhappy ones, it would seem that what we think about has much to do with our happiness. Seen in this light, happiness is strongly affected by our everyday thinking- patterns -- whatever crosses our mind.
The connection between thought and emotion is not just a one-way street, however. Here we are talking about how thoughts evoke emotions. But, as you might recall from our investigation of the happy mood in an earlier Chapter, moods tend to change the kinds of thoughts we think. Both processes occur: pleasant thoughts create happy moods, and happy moods create pleasant thoughts. Which comes first? It is not that old "chicken or the egg" question. Either can come first. Emotion affects thought. Thought affects emotion. How we feel and what we think are always in a fluid process of dynamic interplay.
So which do we work on: our emotions or our thoughts?
Well, since happiness is an emotion, it would certainly be best to work on that. If one could just change their every mood to a happy one, through conscious will and effort, the battle would be won. But can we? The chances are there, but for most of us they're pretty slim. It is, of course, possible to alter ones mood at will (as we'll discuss later in this book), but it's an extremely difficult ability to develop.
For most of us, it's next to impossible to change our mood. Oh, they all say "Just snap out of it!" But nobody gives you the instruction book! For example, try right now to feel as angry as you can. Go ahead... Concentrate... Muster as much anger as possible...
Anything happening? Probably not much.
Emotions are hard to control at will. But thoughts aren't. Given the choice, thoughts are much easier to control than emotions.
Want to feel angry? Just think about this...
You go out to the parking lot where you find the front fender of your brand new car smashed in. There's a handwritten note stuck in the wiper blade that reads "Tough luck, jerk!"
You get grades back on an important college paper. You worked for weeks on your paper, but that other guy bought his, ready-made from some fraternity buddy. He gets an "A." You get a "C."
You get a postcard from your ex-spouse thanking you for keeping the kids so that she and her wealthy, new boyfriend can take that world cruise (or he with his wealthy, young girlfriend).
Anything happening now? Probably so! All that it takes is a thought.
The thought-emotion connection should be clear by now. Emotions, by themselves, are hard to just "conjure-up," but thoughts and fantasies can easily be at our beck and call.
The strategy here is quite basic: we want to be happy; our happiness is largely dependent upon our day-to-day mood; our day-to-day mood is largely dependent upon what thoughts pass through our mind; our thoughts can be brought under our control; and thus, by controlling our thoughts we can control our happiness.
THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN TIME AND HAPPINESS
As we examine the connection between thought and happiness here, it is an appropriate point in this book to examine the role time plays in happiness.
Time is, perhaps, the most unnoticed factor in happiness. But time is critical.
There is only a limited amount of time in our lives. There are only a certain amount of years left for any of us. Each of those years, and each of the days that comprise any year, are of a limited amount of time. Our life is time-bound, there's no doubt of that.
When it comes to happiness research, this "time factor" is basic. As we've seen in previous chapters, "time" is mentioned again and again. Happy people spend more "time" in happy moods. Happy people spend more "time" socializing. Happy people spend more "time" doing things they enjoy. Happy people organize their "time" better. They spend more "time" doing things they feel are important. The list goes on...
It is not so much that happy people do things that the rest of us don't, it's rather that they spend more "time" doing them!
Thus, time may be the biggest barrier to our happiness.
Let's look at time in just an ordinary day.
If we are thinking worried thoughts that day, those thoughts are taking time away from happy thoughts we might be thinking instead. If we are involved in some unpleasant chore, it is certainly taking time away from other more fun pursuits. Every minute we spend with people we might not like, robs those same minutes away from time spent with our loved ones. Each hour we spend at a job we hate, takes time we might rather spend doing something much more meaningful to us.
In essence, every minute we spend unhappily is one minute lost in which we might have spent happily.
A minute lost may not seem very important. An hour lost? Perhaps a whole day? Even a month? Most of us don't seem to mind. There's plenty of time to make up for it -- or so we'd like to think.
But time won't wait for happiness.
Ultimately, happiness is bound by time. Day to day, we may not notice it. But eventually time takes its toll.
Many of my colleagues in happiness research argue against this position. That is because a number of important studies have continued to find that positive and negative emotions tend to be unrelated ( ). We examined this idea in Chapter ?. There we found, according to many studies, that the amount of time spent in unhappy experiences appears independent of the amount of time in happy moods, and vice-versa. But how can this be, logically?
Take just a few, randomly selected hours from our day...
In hour #1 we spent 10 minutes in an unhappy mood. In hour #2 we spent 20 minutes, and in hour #3 we spent 30 minutes in an unhappy mood. You'd think, logically, that these differences would effect the time we spent in happy moods, but in actuality they don't have to. It's still possible that in hour #1 that we only spent 10 minutes in a happy mood; in hour #2 we spent 20 minutes; and in hour #3 we spent 30 minutes. All three possibilities fit within the 60 minute limit. So in this case, it could even be argued that the amount of time spent in unhappy moods grows with the amount of time spent in happy moods. This again, defies "common sense" and logic, but is obviously possible.
One can juggle the figures around anyway one likes between hour #1, #2, and #3, (say one spends 20 minutes in unhappy moods and 30 in happy ones; or 30 minutes in unhappy moods and 10 in happy ones; etc.). The conclusion would be (as it has been in the research) that positive and negative emotional experiences act relatively independent of each other. But that is all because something is missing from the basic formula...
Take our first example: hour #1. Here 10 minutes were spent in an unhappy mood; 10 minutes were spent in a happy mood. What happened to the remaining 40 minutes? In hour #2, where 20 minutes were spent in both unhappy and happy moods: what happened to the remaining 20 minutes? The answer is there is a third kind of time most researchers fail to examine: "neutral time."
There is often many minutes of our day when we are neither feeling happy or unhappy -- "neutral time," so to speak.
In my early research, I recognized this missing time- element in happiness formulations, and began to include measures for this "neutral-time" in my assessments ( ). The question I asked was simple:
"What percent of the time would you say you spend in happy moods? What percent in unhappy moods? And what percent in neutral moods (neither happy or unhappy)?" (from the Happiness Measures, ???)
Once I began using this question, the relationship between positive emotion, negative emotion, an time became clear. Certainly, for many people, positive and negative emotion appeared independent of each other. But these were people who had a lot of "neutral-time" to play with! Indeed, the average person, over the many thousands we tested, report an average of ??% of the time they spend is "neutral" ( ). But at the extremes -- with people that spent the major portion of their time in happy or unhappy moods -- it became clear that unhappy moods reduced happy ones and vice-versa. Time was beginning to play its hand...
And what about these so called "neutral moods" -- the time we claim feeling neither happy or unhappy? The data my colleagues and I have collected using the Happiness Measures show that "neutral time" is much more unhappy than happy. ( ). Indeed, it may not be so "neutral" at all. The collected evidence indicates that "neutral time" is more strongly associated with unhappiness than happiness. Thus, for all practical purposes, "neutral time" appears to be a minor form of "unhappy time."
It appears that positive and negative emotion are not independent after all. Every minute we spend in a positive mood, is one less potential minute we might spend feeling negatively; and every minute we spend in a negative mood, is just one less minute we might spend feeling positively.
All this combines in what I call "the time-clock theory" of happiness.
THE TIME-CLOCK THEORY
The "time-clock theory" sees happiness as a function of time. Simply put, the more time one spends in happy moods (compared to the amount of time one spends in negative moods) the happier one will be. According to this theory, a person who spends 70% of their day in happy moods will, by definition, be happier than another person who spends 50% of their day in a happy moods, and that person, in turn, will be happier than one who spends only 30% in happy moods, etc., etc.. Conversely, the more time one spends in unhappy states, the less time is left for feeling happy.
Happiness, then, is a function of time.
If this is true, what does the average person's "time-clock" look like. Based on the data I have collected over the years (HM art), an average person spends around 54% of their time in happy moods, 21% in unhappy moods, and 25% in neutral moods. The "time-clock" for the happiest 15% of the people we've studied shows they spend nearly 76% of their time in happy moods; 9% in unhappy moods; and 15% in neutral moods. The unhappiest 15% spend only 25% of their time in happy moods; 35% in unhappy moods; and 40% in neutral moods. If we assume that "neutral" time is essentially negative, then, more simply, the average person spends about half the time in good moods and half in bad; the happiest people spend 3/4 positive time and 1/4 negative; and the unhappiest spend 1/4 positive and 3/4 negative. At the extremes, the difference is even more pronounced. The happiest 5% appear to spend almost 95% of their time in happy moods. The unhappiest 5% spend about the same amount of time in negative ones. Of course, the quality of these moods varies. Positive moods can range from mild pleasure to ecstasy, and negative moods can range from mild boredom to deep depression. But whether mild or strong, there's only so much time on the clock, and even the mildest of negative emotions take minutes off the clock that could be spent feeling positive ones. The "time-clock theory" becomes especially important when it comes to thoughts. Since, as we've discussed, thoughts create emotions, we can look at the "time-clock" just as legitimately in terms of thought-patterns. In other words, the more time one spends thinking positive thoughts, instead of negative thoughts, the happier one will be. And since thoughts are generally easier to change than feelings, the more we are able to harness the direction of our thoughts, the more control we will find over our happiness.
With this in mind, clearly there are two possible strategies. One, we could work at increasing the amount of time we spend in positive thoughts, or, two, we could concentrate on reducing the time we spend in negative ones.
Actually, our work with the Fundamentals show that both strategies are quite effective. But for now, let's focus on the second strategy: reducing negative thoughts (we'll talk about increasing positive ones later, under Fundamental 7).
And talking about negative thoughts, no wonder the average person spends nearly half their day in negative moods! After all, what goes through your mind?
Let's go through a typical mental day. How much of the time is your mind on pleasant things? Enthusiastically engrossed in your work; pondering happy memories; anticipating pleasant future events; enjoyably interacting with others; finding yourself interested, stimulated, and rewarded as you go through your day; concentrated on fun or on the activity at hand; being close to your loved ones; making headway or accomplishing something; enjoying you own or others humor; feeling skillful, successful, liked, or appreciated; savoring the little, everyday pleasures, and so on. The more time your mind is preoccupied with things like these, the more happy minutes you add to your "time-clock."
On the other hand, how much of your day is spent on negative thought. Feeling the stress and pressure; always "under the gun;" seeming continuously rushed with hardly enough time in the day to get things done; hating to get up; not wishing to face the day; going to bed at night dreading the next day; working at a job you dislike; dealing with people that annoy you; worried about your future; angry with your family, irritated by others, yelling at your children, afraid of your boss; feeling misunderstood, unfairly judged, and taken for granted; critical of yourself and others; dissatisfied with your life; dwelling on hurt, bitterness, resentment, or remorse from the past; feeling insecure, anxious, and alone; depressing thoughts crossing your mind; plagued with little fears and self-doubts; short-tempered and easily angered; jealous and envious thoughts; hateful fantasies; being bored with your marriage; frustrated by your problems; an so on. These are the kinds of things that add negative moments to your "time-clock."
Negative thoughts, obviously, take many different forms, and by the time this book is through, we'll examine most of the ones that get in the way of your happiness. But for the time being, let's just concentrate our attention on worry: the most common form of negative thinking.
WHY DO WE WORRY?
Nobody really enjoys worrying. But we seem compelled to do it.
If you think about it, worrying is highly unpleasant...
Little worries gnaw at us, more on a subconscious level. They hover at the fringes of our conscious thought and tinge our every moment with an almost imperceptible sense of unease.
Big worries, however, consume us. They are constantly on our mind and fill our day with debilitating feelings which come close to outright panic.
Mild or severe, it's not much fun to be worried. So why do we do it?
The problem is, few people even think about it. They just take worry for granted. Worry seems so natural, so much a part of our mental life, we simply accept it without question.
When worry is questioned, it is staunchly defended. As part of my research, I've interviewed hundreds of individuals regarding their worry. Most of them see worry as a necessity. Though they sense that worry is unpleasant, they also see it as unavoidable. They tend to see those that don't worry rather negatively, and those that do, somewhat more positively. Worry appears to be "the right thing to do" -- something the concerned and conscientious person is obligated to do. Worry for some people, seems to take on an almost moral tone. To not worry, is seen as downright immoral!
When you look around, worry certainly appears to be the correct thing to do. After all, everyone else is worried. Worries are commonly shared, practically every conversation with others centers around them. We worry, our family worries, our friends worry. Our boss tells us that if we understood his worries, we'd be even more worried than we are, and the people working under us tell us that our worries are nowhere close to theirs. Talking to other folks, we almost get the impression we're not worried enough!
So one reason we worry is because it's socially expected. Everyone else does it. (And there must be something wrong with those few folks who don't.)
A second reason we worry, is that we've been taught to from birth. The social norm for worry is quickly communicated to us early in childhood. We see our parents worrying about their finances, their jobs, their social position, their families, their appearance, etc. They worry about the house, the car, the dog and the cat -- and most of all, they worry about us! It doesn't take long for this teaching to become ingrained in our personality.
A third reason we worry is more biological. Human beings are anticipatory creatures. Our senses, our body, our brain -- all are designed to help us predict the future accurately in order to survive. In practical terms, one leg couldn't take a single step forward unless our mind was able to make thousands of instantaneous calculations regarding speed, vectors, distance, force, balance, inertia, objects in our path, etc.. Multiply this single step by a walk across the room, and you begin to appreciate how incredible the mental processes involved can be. Indeed, the mental and sensory processes which allow you to simply locate and pick up an ordinary pencil lying on your desk is actually far more complex and sophisticated than the computer programs required for a space-shuttle launch. Yet you do it virtually without thought.
Our mind is designed to anticipate. Not just our next step, but our next day -- and our next month. And with the ability to anticipate, comes our almost innate capacity to worry. For since our mind can anticipate and envision the future, it will certainly imagine the things that might going wrong with it. Worry, therefore, is almost a functional by-product of being human.
The fourth reason we worry is because we think it does some good. In my interview research, I have come to the strong conclusion that most people intuitively think that worry, indeed, accomplishes something for them. What it accomplishes, of course, is questionable. We sit in front of a huge pile of bills worrying how we can pay for them all, but worry as we might, the money in our bank account remains the same. We worry about our best friend who's in the hospital, but "all the worrying in the world" won't change his situation. Still, as ineffective as it might seem, we go on worrying. Why? My own view is that people almost ritualistically worry to ward-off a worse imagined consequence -- that of total calamity! Though very few people ever become consciously of this reason for their worry, it appears to me that most people worry out of a fear that if they don't, something far more dreadful will happen. Worry, in this light, becomes more like a ritual. The more you worry, the less likely untoward events will happen. If you stop, something bad will happen.
The fifth, and most important reason: people never think about it. Worried thinking is forward thinking. It focuses on upcoming events. Thus, being good worriers, most of us are thinking about today's worries. We've already forgotten yesterday's...
We stay so preoccupied with our immediate worries, we never bother to check-up on yesterday's. What was bothering us yesterday? What was worrying us last month? Or last year? Hardly anybody thinks to revisit past worries -- we're too busy with today's worries to bother. Yet, if we were to think about it, we'd find that most of the things we worried about yesterday never happened.
Worry is, basically, a form of superstitious behavior. We chuckle at those people who "knock on wood" or avoid going to the thirteenth floor in a building. Yet worry is the same. If we simply bothered to count up the times our worries actually came true, we'd find they happen about as much as "black cats crossing our path" brings us bad luck.
WORRY ANALYSIS
To break the worry-cycle, you need to begin to analyze them. We label it "worry analysis:" a process where you become aware of, study, and confront your worries head-on -- and conquer them through insight and understanding.
Worry analysis begins with a "worry journal."
To begin with you need a "worry journal" -- something like a small, carry-with-you note pad, a diary, or a journal you keep at home. On these, you will keep an ongoing record or everything you happen to worry about -- say for the next two weeks.
Ideally, it's best to write down each worry as it occurs. Pull out your small pad and write down every worry as you think it... "I'm worried that mother's forgot her doctor's appointment today." "I wonder if Bill forgot to turn down the air conditioning before he left home." "Did Mary tell the Jane to pick up the kids after baseball?" Write them all down as they occur.
If you can't keep up with on-the-spot notations, then, at least, spend a few minutes at the end of each day writing about the days worries: "Today I worried about: 1) my mother keeping her doctor's appointment; 2) if Bill turned the A/C down; 3) whether the kid had a ride home from baseball," etc..
No matter how you do it, the point is to be as complete and accurate as possible. From the little worries ("I wonder if people will notice my socks are mismatched?") to the big ones ("I just bet I'm going to have a heart-attack and die."), all worries need to be listed.
Once you've completely cataloged your worries for two weeks, put them aside for awhile -- say for a few weeks to a month.
Now that they've had time to stew, it's time to dig them out and analyze them. As you do, if you are a typical of the people we've trained in the Fourteen Fundamentals, several lessons will become obvious.
WE WORRY WAY TOO MUCH
The first lesson is: how much we worry!
Worry is so automatic and unnoticed, the first thing you'll you'll become aware of is how much time you actually spend worrying!
Most of the people who've participated in our experimental procedures have been astonished to find how much time they waste in worried states of mind. But the task we put them to proves it. In our studies, people who faithfully tried to record their worries often found that they couldn't keep up with them. Very few, usually the unworried, could write down things fast enough. We even had a case of a stenographer who couldn't keep-up with the worries that occurred to her in shorthand.
I've found it clear: that when people are required to monitor their worries, they find that they worry far more than they ever imagined.
WORRY DOES NO GOOD
The next lesson in "worry analysis" comes when we examine the possible "pay-offs" of worry: did our worry do us any good?
Now it's time to get out the pencil and go over those old worries, one by one. Ask yourself: "how many of the things you worried about actually came true?" Go over each entry and check-off all the worries that actually happened...
Did you mother miss her doctor's appointment?
Did anyone notice your socks were mismatched?
Did you die of a heart-attack?
As you check over your list, you'll begin to notice one of the classic findings regarding worry: most of your worries never come true!
If you're typical, you'll come to see that, actually, the vast majority of your worries -- the things you fretted so much about -- in fact, never happen.
In a classic study of worry, college students kept a "worry journal" for a solid month. At the end of that time, the students were asked to carefully go over their list, and check each worry that had actually come true. On the average, the researchers found that around 90% of the things these students worried about never came true at all! The researchers concluded: worry is not worth the effort.
Interestingly, these same researchers also asked the individuals studied to daily note things that had actually gone badly during the same period of time. The researchers found that, as one might surmise from the above findings, that 90% of the bad things that actually happened to these college students were things they had never worried about!
In my work with the Fundamentals I've found that these results are repeated time after time. Most everybody who has kept a worry journal quickly come to the insight that their worries rarely come true -- and the percent of their recorded worries that do occur is less than 10%.
Apparently, worry is worthless. We spend countless hours of our precious time worrying about things that never come true. Keeping your own "worry journal" for a few weeks should make this clear to you quite quickly. Frankly, I've had people report back to me within days of starting a worry journal (with sheepish grins on their face) a bit embarrassed at how silly most of their worries appeared upon close scrutiny. Something they had never realized before, simply because they had never analyzed it.
Not only is worry low in cost-effectiveness, in a practical sense -- it is highly dysfunctional in an emotional sense. Worry makes for an unhappy mind. It is a senseless activity that only takes time away from the more positive, happy thoughts we should be concentrating on. And, realizing that it does no good -- that most worries don't come true -- is the first step toward eliminating it.
MOST WORRIES ARE UNCONTROLLABLE
The third lesson one gains from keeping a "worry journal" regards the actual content of one's worry.
There is a world of worries out there. Some are controllable, and others are not.
To some degree or another, all of us plague ourselves with uncontrollable worries -- those things over which we have no personal control. Worries about nuclear war or national crises, natural disasters, traffic accidents, ill health, death, the economy, the environment, crime, etc., are typical examples. Uncontrollable worries take many forms: worries about our kids making it safely to school; worries about our sister's rocky marriage; worries about the beach house being hit by a hurricane; worries about the stock market going down; worries that our son won't get into medical school; worries about our husband's business; worries about our mother's failing health; worries about the planed being hit by a giant asteroid... The common thread is that there's virtually nothing we can do about these worries.
Take the economy, for example. Most everybody is worried about the nation's economy these days. But fret and agonize as we may, we have no control over it. Indeed, there are only small handful of top Washington officials who have any control over the economy at all, and sometimes it appears that they're not worried about it much at all. So why should you?
As you review your "worry journal," you'll undoubtedly find many uncontrollable worries. And the philosophy with uncontrollable worries is simple: if you're worried about something you can't do anything on earth about, why on earth worry about them? Again, you're basically accomplishing nothing -- except to make yourself miserable. By definition then, uncontrollable worries -- simply because they are uncontrollable -- are a major class of worries you'd be happier not to ponder at all.
Controllable worries, on the other hand, are a different story. Happy people, as we've already mentioned, worry less -- but when they worry, it is about controllable worries: those worries and fears over which a person has some personal control (unhappy people, by contrast, worry much more about uncontrollable topics) (21).
In theory, you can do something about controllable worries. For example, "My car's making a funny noise, I hope it doesn't break down." "I'm worried about that old wiring in the garage starting a fire." " I'm afraid I'm going to flunk that algebra test next week." Now in these cases, it's clear that something can be done. You could, for instance, take the car to a mechanic about that funny sound. You could have an electrician replace that old wiring. And you could (as horrible as it might sound) actually study for the exam next week!
Controllable worries, by definition, are within your control. Thus the theory here is: take that control! Do something to assuage your worry. Make a decision. Deal with the problem. But as with other worries, controllable worries are no more worth worrying about than other types. Simply put: stop worrying and start acting!
Action, whenever possible, is the key to conquering worry. Witness the classic case of the two students facing a big test. Our typical, unhappy student worries himself to death. Hour upon hour he frets, trying to distract himself with television and snacks, yet inevitably his mind turns to the upcoming exam he fears. "I don't have a chance," he thinks, "I'm going to flunk big-time!" He glances occasionally at the books on his desk. "I won't pass the course. I'll end up on academic probation. My chances for law school are shot. My folks are going to kill me. My girlfriend is going to ditch me. It's the end of my world!" The time slips by like this -- all dread, but no action.
Our happy, unworried student takes a different tack. Instead of worrying, she's spending those same hours studying and preparing for the exam. More than likely she'll do better, but that's not the point as much. Whether she does better or not on the exam, she didn't deplete her overall happiness with a night of worry as did our unhappy student.
The borderline between controllable and uncontrollable worries, however, is not always clear-cut. Yet, I've devised a simple test to determine if a worry is controllable or uncontrollable. Ask yourself this question: "Is there anything I can do right now -- or in the next few days -- that can take care of this worry?" If the answer is "yes," there is something you can do about your worry, it is a controllable worry -- if the answer is "no, there's nothing I can do about it now" then it is uncontrollable and you should waste no more time worrying about it.
The key words in this test are the words "right now." Even if your worry is basically a controllable one, if you can't do something about it within the next day or two (or even quicker), then, until you can do something about it, the worry should be treated, in the interim, as an uncontrollable one. To wit: stop thinking about it until you can do something about it. Going back to that previous worry: your car's making a funny sound. You ask yourself, "Is there anything I can do about this right now?" It occurs that you could take it in for repairs, but then you realize you don't have a dime to your name, so you actually can't take it in after all. In essence your worry -- though it might be controllable for most folks -- is uncontrollable for you. So, what do you do? You could continue to worry about it needlessly, keeping that black cloud of fret over your mind for a few weeks until your next paycheck comes in. Or, in line with our ideal analysis, you could banish the worry from your mind and drive along in a carefree, happy state of mind until you can do something about it. Neither of these mental approaches will effect your car. It may break down. It may not. But how has your mood been in the meantime?
What about the case where you know there's something you can do about your worry, yet you just don't want to do it? Take our example of the two students: one worried while the other studied. But there's a third possible scenario... Take a student that's worried that he'll flunk the exam and also knows that he could do something about it by studying. But this guy decides, right off the bat, "I don't want to study, and I'm not going to worry one bit about it." So he chases all worry from his mind, and enjoys his evening in a pleasant, carefree state of mind. The next day, unfortunately, he does poorly on the exam. But so did the other student who did nothing but worry the night before!
No matter what the scenario, don't worry!
If you can't do anything about it -- don't worry! If you can do something about it, do it -- don't worry! If you can do something about it, but choose not to -- don't worry!
And if you've already taken action, don't continue worrying afterward...
"Ex post facto worrying" is worrying after the fact. One of the most common forms of human worrying is worrying after an event has already passed. It almost defies our definition that worry is a feared prediction of future events, but it still fits this definition if we see an ex post facto worry as a worry about how a decision we made yesterday will effect tomorrow. The deed is done, but we remain worried about its consequences.
Researchers find, for example, that most typical people tend to worry much more after they make a decision than before they make it! We cruise by the new car dealership; something catches our eye; we drop in to inspect it more closely; we just love it; and the next thing we know, we've driving away in a brand new car! It's usually only then (with all the papers signed and the financial indebtedness already incurred) that we begin to worry. "Should I have really bought this car?" "Maybe I should have gotten the econo-model." "How am I going to pay for this, if I loose my job?" "Should I have talked it over with my wife first?" It's a little to late to worry now. Therefore, according to this Fundamental, you shouldn't!
The classic example of ex post facto worry is "bridegroom aftershock:" the widely reported finding that most men don't worry half as much when they walk in the church isle single as they do when they walk back out the church isle married! Believe me, by the time you start walking back out the isle, it's too late to worry!
Ex post facto worrying is variant of uncontrollable worrying. The decision is in the past, thus there's hardly anything you can do to change it now. You're stuck with the car, so why not enjoy it worry-free. You'll have enough to worry about when the first payment comes due. (But really, there's no reason to worry about that either, unless you can do something about it.)
The basic idea behind all this is very simple. Let's assume, for example, that some dire event is going to occur in just one week from this moment (say, for instance, that a the earth is going to completely explode from some gigantic volcanic eruption). Let's also assume that you, and everyone on the planet, knows that this horrible event is going to occur.
There is no way to avoid it; it's a totally an uncontrollable worry; and we know it is going to occur.
Now I'll give you two hypothetical choices as to how you can deal with this impending doom.
Choice one: you could, of course, spend the next six days in a worried apprehensive, negative, fearful, dreadful state of mind absolutely agonizing in miserable fear and worry; only to "BANG" -- have the whole thing go up in smoke.
Choice two: you could, instead, spend those six preceding days in a state of blissful euphoria, carefree contentment, and happiness, only to "BANG" -- have the same thing happen.
It's a farfetched example, I agree. But it makes the point. When negative situations are beyond our ability to control, wouldn't it be better choice to maintain a relatively happy state of mind than to worry and make our self completely miserable?
WORRY VS. PLANNING
It is important to distinguish between worry and planning, since many people tend to confuse the two. Especially, there may be some confusion for those of you recall our last Fundamental "Get Better Organized and Plan Things Out." There, we suggested that happy individuals are quite planful and work according to a considered and methodical approach to life. Here in this Fundamental, however, we are saying that happy individuals worry little. For some of you, these two recommendations may appear to be in conflict with each other.
The difference between worry and planning is much the same as the difference we've been discussing between controllable and uncontrollable worries. Planning is a positive attempt to gain control over life's circumstances; worry is a futile tendency to fret over life's circumstances.
Planning is gaining control. It is an exercise which involves some of our most advanced human skills. It requires foresight, problem-solving abilities, predictive skills, insight into the nature of things, intelligence, the ability to find solutions, and a great deal of knowledge and wisdom. Planning, especially if it has served us well in the past, should be an enjoyable exercise. It should be challenging and exciting -- and it should be associated more with feelings of success and mastery than feelings of woe and dread.
Worry, as we have seen above, is a sense that we have lost control. It does not call to bear any of the skills we've just mentioned -- indeed, it forsakes our human ability to manage problems and leaves us in a completely nonproductive state of fret and anxiety. Moreover, worry is hardly an enjoyable exercise at all.
The reason for the confusion is that many of us worry as we plan. But the two needn't go together, for they are two separate and distinct mental exercises...
Actually, there are several possibilities: we can worry but plan very little (like unhappy people do); we can plan and worry at the same time (like most average people tend to do); or we can be like happy people who plan, but hardly every worry.
Happy people seem to have the best of both worlds: they plan more, but worry less (129, 132). It appears that they've found the perfect balance between adequate planning and unnecessary worrying.
THOUGHT SWITCHING
For many people, just the insight that worry is futile, is enough to help them stop worrying, all by itself. Even after a few days of keeping a "worry journal," some of the individuals I've taught come back with this sheepish grin on their face saying, "My goodness, it's true! My worries never happen!" And this, sometimes, is all it takes to help them dismiss worrying from their lives. this insight, by itself, helps many to reduce their worries.
But most people, according to the studies we've done, need to be a little more help. They recognize that they need to stop worrying, but they don't know how to do it...
What we incorporate, as an integral part of the Fourteen Fundamentals Program, is a technique we call "thought switching."
"Though switching" is one of the most widely used techniques of behavioral and cognitive therapies. There, it is is referred to as "thought substitution." In essence, the technique involves replacing negative thought patterns with positive ones. And although it has application to a variety of negative thought-patterns, there is no place better to apply this approach than to worry...
The theory involved is simple. Simply stopping a worried thought is not good enough. To keep it away, it needs to be replaced with something more positive.
Most people, if they concentrate hard enough, can stop themselves from thinking a negative thought. But if they leave their mind blank, quickly the negative thought will return. An empty mind will soon be filled -- more than likely with the chain of thoughts that were most recently running through it. The key, then, is not to stop negative thoughts "cold" and leave the mind blank, but to replace them with more positive ones and give the mind something new to concentrate on.
With practice, one can learn to substitute negative thoughts with more positive alternatives. And by coupling that action time after time, one begins to gain a little bit more control over the the way one's mind tends to drift.
MIND CONTROL
Before we talk about thought switching extensively, let me suggest something rather frightening:
Most of us have no control over our very own minds!
It's hard to believe, but it's true. For the most part, our mind just runs free -- pondering what ever it wishes -- -- wandering from thought to thought -- totally out of control!
This is particularly disturbing when you consider that your mind is the only thing that gives any sense to your existence at all. Your body is certainly part of what you are, but without a mind to go with it, you'd have no conscious awareness of yourself whatsoever. Your mind is, actually, all there is to you! Most philosophers believe that the mind is the only "true certainty" there is in the Universe. Yet, most of us have virtually no control over what thoughts pass through it.
Think about it for a moment...
Where do your thoughts come from? The mind is always thinking about something, isn't it? Every day is a constant mental parade of ideas, memories, impressions, concerns, and fantasies. Some pass in a fleeting micro-second, others preoccupy us all day long, and several can occur simultaneously. Our mind is constantly busy switching its attention from outside events to inner considerations. But what's controlling it all? You certainly aren't! Or, at least, you're not controlling much of it.
The outside world controls a lot of it. Something catches your attention. Your involved in a business conversation. The telephone rings. You're engrossed in a television program. You are constantly impinged by outside stimuli trying to gain your mind's attention. And at the same time, your inner world of thoughts keeps parading by, jumping from thought to thought a hundred- thousand times a day.
Where are all these thoughts coming from? How many of them do you personally conjure-up? How many of them just seem to pop into your mind? How many do you make happen versus how many just happen to you?
If you monitor your thoughts for a day or two, you'll come to realize that the vast majority of your thoughts seem to come up on their own. Certainly there are some thoughts you directly control. You're trying to remember someone's name. You're searching for your car keys. You're mentally rehearsing what you're going to say to your boss. But these tend to be the exceptions, not the rule. Most of the things that enter your mind are things you didn't will to think about -- they, by in large, just happen on their own. Certainly they are your own thoughts, yes. But you didn't necessarily invite them into your mind. As eerie as it might sound, it's almost as if some outside force, or even beings from another planet, was regulating your thoughts.
Actually it's not that. Is simply a lack of self- control...
Most of the time, we just let our minds roam free. One thought leads to another; it meanders off into another thought; and so on. We're just along for the ride! It's almost ridiculous: our mind just wanders where it wants to -- and we just sit by passively and let it! If our children roamed around that freely, we would be quite appalled. But when it comes to our mind -- the only thing we can truly call our own -- we just let it run where ever it wants to.
Even worse than letting our mind wander where it wishes, is that we allow others to greatly determine what we think!
For example, think of your phone number right now. Think of your middle name. Where were you born? What kind of car do you drive? Where do you live? What is your address? Imagine yourself driving up to your home. Lift your eyes from this book and look upward. Take a minute and recall what you did on your last vacation. Now, think about what you did yesterday...
Didn't each one of those thoughts quickly come to you as you read them? Well, that just proves the point. In those few moments, the words in the paragraph above were determining your thoughts. Indeed, as it is I who has written those words, I was controlling your thoughts! What's worse, there wasn't anything you could do about it. A few printed words dictated what was to fill you mind for a moment or two, and you had no control over it, at all.
In fact, you can't control it, even if you want to! As an example, I've written a sentence just below this very paragraph. I want you to look at it, but I want you to try as hard as you can to NOT think of the mental image it will suggest.
Imagine a bright blue balloon floating in the clouds.
The image just popped right in there, didn't it. I'm sure you were trying to block it, but it was virtually impossible. Oh, what putty we are in the hands of a true psychological master!
It just goes to prove how little we are able to control our own thoughts. And if so much of our mental life is determined by outside stimuli and inner wanderings, how can we ever hope to keep our minds from dwelling on unhappy, negative thoughts like worry?
By learning to control our own thoughts a little bit better...
Everyone has the capacity to gain a good deal more control over their thoughts if they wish. Each of you has the ability. And to prove it, a small demonstration is in order.
For the next few moments I would like you to close your eyes and think about a really pleasant situation. Now I am not going to dictate what the situation is, but concentrate on an any extremely pleasant fantasy or a highly positive image. Discontinue reading, close your eyes and do it now...
~~~~~
See, you can control your thoughts. For those few moments you were able to fill your mind with something you actually willed to think about. And the beauty of it is, you can do that anytime you wish!
Therein lies the whole idea of "thought switching" or learning how to gain control over your very own personal mind.
Mental control is not an easy thing to achieve. It requires a great deal of practice. For centuries, devout monks of every religion have spent their lives in monastic training, spending hours of each day in deep personal meditation, and never are fully able to totally control their thoughts. Still, the basic techniques they use are things that any of us can learn to do...
The ability to control our own thinking patterns involves two basic things. First, we have to habitually monitor our thoughts, and second, we have to change those thoughts when necessary or desirable. In the Fundamentals Program, we refer to these two steps as a "thought-check" and a "main thought."
THOUGHT CHECK
First, we have to randomly monitor our thoughts. We refer to this as "thought checking."
"Thought checking" involves some system of reminders that, periodically, throughout the day, calls one's attention to what is preoccupying our mind.
Any system will do, as long as it frequently calls attention to your current thoughts. In our studies, we have suggested several ways of doing this. A stack of index cards with "thought check" written on them is one idea. We suggest placing such cards in a variety of places that one often encounters. The bedroom mirror, on doors throughout the house, on the refrigerator, the corner of the T.V., in the car, on the desk at the office, etc. -- all are good spots for a "thought-check" reminder.
The idea is this: you want to call attention to your thoughts often throughout the day, and see if you can catch yourself worrying.
Index cards are just one idea. There are many other ways to "thought check." You might, for example, wear a special piece of jewelry. Or, place a ring on wrong finger. Anything that might remind you to "thought check." You might enlist your friends and family members to help. Just ask them to call-out "Thought check!" every now and then -- especially at those times when they catch you deep in thought. An alarm clock or beeper watch, set to go off at random times, is also good.
Whatever system you employ, you want some way to periodically remind yourself to check your thoughts. When reminded, the question will be, "What was I just thinking about?" If your a typical worrier, nine times out of ten, you will probably discover that you were off in "Worry Land" (or caught in some other kind of negative thought).
If that's the case, the next step is to "thought switch."
What you do is to discontinue thinking about your worry immediately, and then concentrate, as vividly as you can, on a very pleasant thought. Concentrate on this pleasant thought for ten or fifteen seconds, then go on about your business -- until a "thought-check" reminder catches you again.
Over and over again, the cycle will be repeated throughout the day. Periodically you'll be reminded to monitor your current thoughts, and if they're negative or worried, you stop abruptly and concentrate on a pleasant thought for a little bit, and then on you'll go until you're reminded to "check" again. And as the days go by, you'll be slowly training yourself to "Stop Worrying," right in its tracks.
But here's a snag. Many people we've studied do just fine with this approach until it comes to finding something pleasant to think about. Their "thought-check" system works well, they're able to stop their worried thought, but then they fumble around in their mind trying to think of something nice to replace it with. To avoid such fumbling, we recommend using a "main thought."
A MAIN THOUGHT
Now a "main thought" is one standard thought you can use whenever you need. At least to begin with, instead of trying to think of something positive on the spot, store just one "main thought" in memory to use instantly, time after time.
A little care should go into creating this "main thought." First of all, it should be a highly pleasant image, something tranquil and relaxing might be best.
Second, it should be something relatively simple that you can conjure vividly in your mind. Don't pick a complex situation, but something easy to visualize, like a mental "snapshot" -- something you can really concentrate on.
Third, your "main thought" should be devoid of any negative associations. You might have selected that big "awards banquet," but as you think about it you remember how upset you were when your folks didn't attend. Or you might choose a special place where you and your spouse once vacationed, but as you reflect more deeply you recall a big argument the two of you had there. Likewise, it might initially seem that fantasizing about a "dream home" would be good, but inevitably that fantasy leads to a sad feeling when the realization hits that it's not a reality.
For all these reasons, we have suggested to our research participants that they create more of a fantasy situation (rather than a real memory), particularly something in nature. And, because there's no time like the present, why don't you try to develop a "main thought" right now?
In the next few moments imagine yourself on an ideal tropical island. It's a beautiful day and you're lying in the sun with the wind caressing your body and the waves gently lapping at your toes. Or, perhaps, you're in a beautiful mountain forest, sitting by the side of a crystal clear stream, with wild-flowers all around you. Go ahead and visualize your own special place right now...
~~~~~~~
Now you've got a "main thought" to use in your training. Catalog it in the back of your mind for future use, because this is the thought you're going to turn to whenever you catch yourself worrying.
Again, the idea is to "thought-check" every so often throughout the day, and if you catch yourself in worried thoughts, stop them immediately and switch your mental concentration to this "main thought." Repeat the cycle as often as you catch yourself worrying, for at least a week or two.
If you were to practice this strategy for even a day or two, you would begin to notice a number of rather interesting things happening to you. To begin with, you'll probably be amazed at how often you mind is focused on negative, worried thoughts. There's nothing quite like a regular "thought-check" to call attention to how frequently our mind is worried or pressured. In addition, even after only a few days, you may find yourself becoming aware of worried thoughts without any "though-check" reminder at all. Sometimes, even without prompting, you'll notice your worry all by yourself.
Given a week or so of practice, you'll begin to feel a sense of mastery in that you're starting to gain a little control over where your mind wanders. No longer are your thoughts towing you along on their own accord, you're beginning to set the path for your thoughts. But more than that, it will become clear that, by exerting some control over what you think about, the general tone of your daily thought-pattern is slowly becoming more positive. Every minute your mind is attending to your "main thought" is one less minute it can spend worried. And as these pleasant minutes add-up, your daily "time clock" is becoming more positive, overall.
But best of all, if your practice weeks go well, you may begin to notice days when your mood is somewhat happier than you've been used to in the past. When this begins to happen, you'll start to appreciate what this Fundamental is all about: i.e., the less you worry, the happier you can be!
Once you've mastered the basics, you should try expanding your repertoire of positive thoughts. After a while, the "main thought" you started with will begin to get a little dull. Now it's time to really build the positive side of your "time clock" with a creative variety of pleasant images!
Enhance the whole "thought switching" process to include new kinds of positive thoughts. For examples: think about the nicest thing that happened to you today, recall the best thing that has happened this year, consider your success and achievements, remember some of the most pleasant memories from the past, think about the "good times" you've had with your family recently, dwell on some of the good and kind works you've done, recall the last time you were praised, etc.. As you progress at this, you're not only developing new, positive thoughts to use to replace old, negative ones, you're also taking a first step in "Developing Positive, Optimistic Thinking" -- a Fundamental we'll be discussing in the Chapter after next.
Gaining permanent control over your thoughts takes a long time. Even though you may notice some results after a few days of "thought switching," for the effects to last, one needs to continually practice at it. Only after many months, can one feel confident that a true mental change has taken place -- and even then, one should re-train themselves periodically to keep these skills sharpened. Still, once one has tasted the possibility of mental self-discipline, a whole new world unfolds. Not only does one discover the ability to reduce worry (and other negative thought-patterns), but one also begins to find how potentially happy one can feel when their mind is freed of such self-defeating thoughts. Yet, even more than these fine benefits, the person who begins to take command over their own thoughts discovers the finest of human abilities, to own the only thing that is truly theirs: their mind.
SMOKE AND MIRRORS
Before ending this chapter, some final thoughts are in order.
Some who learn about this Fundamental, as much as it might help them, tend to feel a bit uncomfortable with it after all is said and done. Even though they feel happier, they kind of feel as if they've just tricked themselves into it. Often my students, for example, make comments like, "You mean all there is to happiness is just changing my mind?" Or, "All I have to do is think different thoughts, and I'll be happier?"
I have to admit, on first glance, their questions are good ones. After all, much of what we've said in this chapter pits happiness in an illusory sort of way. It certainly suggests that part of the key to personal happiness is simply to "psych" yourself into it by thinking happy thoughts. But it leaves many with the feeling that happiness is merely a superficial "magic trick," something simply made by smoke and mirrors.
The truth is, these impressions are somewhat correct. Much of what we have learned from the happy people we've examined through research indicates that happiness is, to a large degree, a mental pattern. Certainly, as we have documented previously, it is also the result of outside success and social fortune. Yet it is also clear that a lot of happiness seems to come from the way a person's mind works on the inside.
But it is not just a "trick," it is something much more profound. As we have defined from the very beginning of these two volumes on happiness, happiness is nothing more than a mental state. It occurs only in our mind -- it exists nowhere else. Thus if happiness occurs only in our mind, it would naturally follow that anything we can do to alter our mind to a happier state will also augment our happiness quite directly.
Indeed, our research findings argue that such "mental strategies" tend to be even more effective at changing happiness than "outside strategies." Of course, no one doubts that great "outside" success and social acclaim would contribute to happiness, but how could one enjoy it if their "inside" is preoccupied with worry or fret? Wouldn't it be happier to be worry-free, yet enjoy little success? Obviously, the answer is, "yes." But wouldn't be happier still, to be worry-free and immensely successful too? Certainly here, the answer is even more "yes."
Finally, however, wouldn't it be happier -- no matter what the situation -- to be a little less worried?
The answer, again, is "yes!"
CAREFREE HAPPINESS
Happiness has often been defined in classic literature as being "carefree." Generally, most of us read such classic passages as describing people who have no worries -- people who's lives are going so fabulously that they have no cares or concerns. When we picture the "carefree" person, we usually imagine the person of great wealth or success who has little to worry about in the first place.
But research on happiness shows that there is another way to view this "carefree" image of happiness (130, 232). Here we see that happy people just worry less to begin with. It's not so much that they have no problems or concerns; it's more, that they just don't dwell on them.
Happiness is a carefree, worry-free state of mind. To achieve it there are only two avenues. One, you can slave for the "long-haul" -- hoping that, eventually, you can reach a plateau of success and financial security where "peace of mind" will naturally outweigh the years of worry you spent to get there. Or, two:
You can just stop worrying now!
HELP ALONG THE WAY
One of the most important things to realize about the entire Fourteen Fundamentals Program is how working on one Fundamental tends to help ones efforts with another.
Here, our focus has been on "Stop Worrying," but before we even began our analysis of this Fundamental, you already had a lot of help coming from the Fundamentals we've already covered. Placing our discussion of "worry journals" and "thought switching" aside, if you've been practicing any of the previous Fundamentals we've examined, you may have noticed your worry-level receding already.
Why? Well, that is because all of the Fundamentals are strongly interrelated. Working on one, tends to have overlapping effects on others.
For example, practicing Fundamental One, "Be More Active and Keep Busy," is not only happiness-producing in its own right, it also serves to help reduce worry. One of the best ways to keep worry to a minimum is to occupy your mind by doing fun things. Fundamental Two, "Spend More Time Socializing," is the same way. It's hard to be preoccupied with worry when we're interacting with others. Likewise with Fundamentals Three and Four, when we're working on productive project or really busy planning a constructive path to the future, worry should hardly find a moment to intrude.
The obverse is also true. When our mind is freed of needless worry, we free-up a great deal of valuable time to devote to more productive, social, and enjoyable activities.
As we continue to explore each of the remaining Fundamentals, we'll see how each of them are but pieces in an overall puzzle. Each interface, and each compliment one another, to produce an ultimate picture of happiness improvement.
But for now, we leave you with just one important piece of the happiness-puzzle: "Stop Worrying."
Worry is the most destructive thing the average person does to ruin their happiness. It is truly the "arch-enemy" of most people's happiness. Happiness is, in part, a state of mind where ones thinking is pleasant most of the time, so it follows that whatever one can do to reduce worried thinking from one's mind, the happier one will be.
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